Some months ago, a friend of mine fell victim to a scam that resulted in a loss of tens of thousands of dollars. They were in pretty bad shape and subsequently, another friend set up a Go Fund Me account to help try and make some money to offset the amount that the scammer made off with. Many of us contributed and were supportive. Recently, I have been seeing a couple of social media posts talking about a new pony car and it doesn’t sit well with me. I feel a certain amount of discomfort with having helped them in their moment of financial tragedy when they are, only a few months later, talking about getting a new car. Should I say something?
—Sincerely,
Feeling Scammed
Dear Feeling:
I have two pieces of advice for you that I have found to be very helpful as an adult navigating a difficult world where we are often called upon to help one another.
Do not tell yourself a story. It is very tempting (and easy) to tell ourselves a story about a situation without knowing what is really going on. We think we know based on very little information and instead of waiting until we have all of the information, we allow ourselves to be hijacked into thinking the worst. Is it possible your friend also faced needing to replace a car around the same time the scam happened? If your friend is talking about a new car, it should be easy enough to inquire what happened to their old one (even if it is none of your business).
Learn to give without attachments or expectations. If your heart is called upon to give to someone, you are only truly generous if you do so without expectation. Once your gift leaves your hands, it is no longer your concern. Trust people to take it from there and do not let it trouble your mind. If your gift comes with a bunch of strings attached, then you need to do some soul searching. Again, you may be telling yourself a story on how the gift has been used and riling yourself up without cause.
As for social media, keep the salt handy because you will often need to take a grain of it when looking at posts. Sometimes people are talking and dreaming about what they want, not always what they have. It also seems possible that after facing a big scam, someone might be trying to save face or act like things are normal as a way to move on. For your own piece of mind, I suggest you queue up Doris Day’s “Que Sera, Sera” and shake off any further thoughts about the matter. Cheers!
