I have a “friend” on Facebook who recently called in to my work. I recognized her name and I started to ask how to help her. Before I could, she launched into some of the rudest, most disrespectful language and tone I had ever been subjected to. It was clear she didn’t realize who she was talking to. I tried very hard to help her through the barrage of degradation and cursing. It’s been a couple of weeks but every time I see her come up on my feed, I cringe. Because of the nature of my job, I can’t confront her. I am thinking of just deleting her but I don’t want to be unfair. Do you have any advice for how to move forward?
— Sincerely,
The Punching Bag
Dear P.B.:
I have experienced something similar myself before and I know how disappointing and spirit crushing it can be. For the life of me I’ll never understand how manners fly out the window when some people get on the phone. Nearly a decade ago, one of my Facebook friends did something similar and I still remember it every time they pop up on my feed. If you really can’t talk to her about it, what has helped me deal with it is trying to remember that sometimes we catch people when they are at their worst. Realizing that, empathizing with that, and giving some grace can make all of the difference. The positive side of time passing in this instance is that I have been able to see how their life has stabilized and how much has changed for the better over the years. If you aren’t ready to delete them as a friend yet, I say mute them for a while and give yourself some space. Do this as much as you need to. Then, if you feel like things feel better for you, you’ll have given them grace and the benefit of the doubt. If you find you just can’t stand it, then unfriend and have no regrets. Sometimes life makes it difficult to remember who we are and I believe in second chances — and often more.
SUBMIT questions to Minerva’s Breakdown at bit.ly/AskMinerva. All submissions remain anonymous. Illustration of Minerva by Adam Rosenlund.
